Nine

Well, somehow I have a nine year old. I think 75% of parenthood is wondering how you're old enough for this.

How am I old enough to have an alien bean growing within me? How am I old enough to be keeping another human alive? How am I old enough to be sending this child to school?

I looked at Nolan today on his ninth birthday in awe. He is slowly inching his way out of boyhood and it's both amazing and frightening to watch from the perspective of a parent. I'm not old enough to parent an adolescent, but the train is set at full speed with no planned breaks. .

Sometimes it's such a paradox, a birthday is. How to celebrate life's grand motion when what you want most is for life to stop right here and bask in this day for a while or forever?

But whatever. We celebrate reality and I try to forget the impossible. We enjoy each other and try to do our best to be kind and to help and to forgive. We love our friends and we love to play. We work hard. We work ourselves weary. And we greet each new day and every birthday with joy.

Happy birthday, my nine year old boy! I will remember forever the day you were born, because it was a second birth for myself. Thank you for your patience as I've stumbled along in learning to parent. I will always keep stumbling for you.