Baby, But Not Just

In my experience, there always comes a stop-and-wonder moment with a baby. I have arrived. Maybe there are many of them for you, but for me the mom, it happens right about now:
1• Baby has grown some,
but is still petite and very holdable
2• She appears a lot the same as that first day,
but with a few key differences
3• She looks around vivaciously,
takes in her world
4• Shapes her mouth,
smiles, produces distinct noises.
5• Begs your attention not for food,
but to be a socialite.
6• She sits upright
with her head proudly controlled.

It's the much-the-sameness, but slight-difference that catches me off guard. I can still feel what it was to carry her on the inside, just call her baby, not even know that she was a she. The first weeks, leaning into months, are concerned with thriving a life --surviving, if you will. It is about nurturing a little human form, who has undeniably captured a piece of my soul, but is still very much a mysterious creature. A creature who sleeps so much I forget what her eyes look like between wakeful periods.

Now I have thrived a life, a life which no longer sleeps every possible moment. She sits, propped neatly upright, eyes exploring her world and me. Suddenly, I am facing a personality. The little creature exhibits uniqueness; she has a self. And I am awed that I carried her, birthed her, and swaddled her these few months as a sweet baby, but mostly just a sweet baby, when surely she has been individual all along.